Because of this, I have built a running list of things I want my future partner to have. Think of like ‘Love is Blind’ vibes, but of course, I get to see the person. I do want to explain first that this list is to remind me of what I prioritise about the person I intend to spend my life with. These are mostly important to my journey of both healing from my past hurts and knowing my worth. As young adults, we are all figuring out who we are, and where we are going, but the journey never stops there. It’s that continual development that I hope to share with someone one day. While I definitely want to be attracted to my future partner, the 10 things I want in my partner are based on lifestyle and personality. So, without further a-do…

10. Sense of style

This is at the bottom of my list because it’s something a person can learn. I have a pretty varied style depending on my mood, so I would like my partner to have a similar base too- even better if there are a couple of items that I can steal from them, like a shirt or hoodie. I find that a sense of style is important to me because it shows who you are and that you also value yourself. 

9. Sense of rhythm

I really enjoy singing and dancing when I’m in my car or going out, and I find a sense of rhythm super attractive. They don’t need to be professional by any means, like I’m definitely not anywhere near that good. Just simply be able to vibe and enjoy our time together.

Photo credit: Sean Stratton on Unsplash

8. Athletic

I do like a person being in shape, but this one is more specific to athleticism. I enjoy a good balance of indoor and outdoor activities, so I would like my partner to share this with me too. I don’t mind if it’s not every time of course, just to share the enjoyment of hiking and kayaking while also sharing quiet activities like reading, for example.

7. Adventurous/Travels

I appreciate experiencing different cultures and lifestyles so that I can learn more about myself and how I can improve within my life. I need someone with a similar outlook on development and enjoys being active and travelling. This is also meant to be adventurous in our local community too, since not everything needs to be all or nothing.

6. Funny/Good Banter

Humour is so much more important to me now after going out with someone with a different sense of humour than me. It meant that we were smiling less and felt a lot more disconnected. Sharing good banter means that you can match each other’s wit and absurdity without going overboard. I like feeling connected with my partner on all levels.

5. Organised

I am not even close to the neatest person, but growing up in a messy house has made me appreciate the need for cleanliness. I don’t require things to be constantly spotless, but I do appreciate the minimum of sharing daily chores when we eventually live together and doing a deeper clean once a week. This also goes into planning activities and dates and such. Spontaneity is appreciated; just plan out the big things with me, please.

“These are mostly important to my journey of both healing
from my past hurts and knowing my worth.”

4. Financially Smart

I was raised by a single mom who works as an accountant/bookkeeper, so she taught me the value of money and the importance of being responsible. It’s very important that the other person understands this too, but this is definitely a learned skill. I have big dreams I want to accomplish with my partner and on my own, as well as travelling dreams that aren’t exactly cheap either. Being financially responsible has become a very attractive quality to me more recently.

3. Patient/kind

I feel like this one is kind of obvious… but it is important nonetheless. I can be annoying and need some extra space sometimes, or maybe my partner needs that from me too. Either way, valuing this trait is necessary for the long run. Looks come and go, but personality is who you are forever.

2. Intentional/Passionate

I’m stealing the word ‘intentional’ from my friend’s future wife list, bescause it holds true to my thoughts as well. I want someone who does everything with a purpose. They are excited to be who they are and develop into who they are meant to be every day. I want my person to be passionate and excited to share all they are with me the same way I want to share all I am with them. Another factor is if who they are with their friends and with me is the same person.

1. No smoking/drugs

This one speaks for itself. I have seen the worst side of this lifestyle and while I accept that it is your own choice, I do not want to be involved with someone who doesn’t value this as well. They don’t need to share the same reasoning of course, but it cannot be in my life anymore. For many years, it was a trigger for me and I just kept thinking ‘oh I can change them’. Honestly, that does not work. A person can change, but they have to want to change for themselves. This value has only recently become my top value and I feel that this is a major development for myself and my future.

“This list is meant to keep me accountable to my values and I highly suggest writing out your values
in a person or in yourself too. Prioritizing yourself is not selfish; it’s knowing your worth.”

Ok guys… That was a lot. I’ve had this list, or the idea of one, for most of my dating life. But to actually write out why I value these things in someone has been hugely monumental in my understanding of my what I want and need in a person. This list is meant to keep me accountable to my values and I highly suggest writing out your values in a person, or in yourself, too. Prioritising yourself is not selfish; it’s knowing your worth. I personally believe that dating is like a trial run for marriage, so I don’t want to spend time with the wrong person. I am ready to find my forever when the time is right… but like, relatively soon, right?

Main Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash